CLUE #1
You’re in the mall and find a shirt that looks “good enough,” so you buy it in blue, tan, brown and black. When you find a pair of pants and a skirt that are also “good enough,” you buy one in every color to match the shirts. This completes your wardrobe shopping for the year and you’re quite happy that you can now leave the mall.CLUE #2
The sweatpants you wear to bed every night are the same ones you wore when you painted your living room last year (and your bedroom the year before that, and your kitchen the year before that, and ... you get the idea!).
CLUE #3
You can’t remember the last time you bought new underwear.
CLUE #4
Your most recent “Beauty Night” was in 5th grade when you and your BFF slathered oatmeal all over your faces, put cucumber slices on your eyes and then ate huge bowls of ice cream after finishing off a large pizza.
CLUE #5
Buying shoes stresses you out because you can never find the right style in the right color in the right size. This depresses you so much that you’ve given up on shoe shopping altogether and just keep wearing those basic black pumps you bought 10 years ago for your high school reunion.
Does this sound like you?
Well, I have to admit this post is somewhat autobiographical. Yes, I confess. I’m guilty of all of the above — some of them, habitually. But, you know what? The time has come to get rid of my anti-beauty habits and spiff myself up a bit, like Madonna did at the MTV awards in 1990.
Okay. Doubt I’ll go THAT far … but it’s fun to pretend.
Back to reality. First thing to go? I’m going to ditch those paint-splotched sweatpants (or at least stop wearing them to bed.) Yeah! I think my husband would MUCH prefer to see me in something sexier at night.
And you know what else? Underwear. I’m going to get some new underwear. And you should, too, because like our mothers told us when we were growing up, what if we get into an accident and have to go to the hospital? (You don’t want the emergency room people laughing at your gross underwear, do you?)
So … I’ve decided to get rid of the sloppy sweatpants and buy some new undies. Good. I think I can handle that.
But when it comes to breaking free of those color-blocked clothes I’ve been relying on for the last 20 years, I think I need some help from Stacy and Clinton of What Not to Wear. Thank you, God, for cable TV and the Internet.
Next on the agenda? Beauty Night! And I can’t wait to get started.
That leaves me with my last problem of the day — shoes. Hmm. I wish there were some kind of website that could help me find a good pair of shoes. Gosh … you know, like a website where I could design my own shoes online — pick my own shoe style, choose my own pattern, get the perfect fit? Wouldn’t that be cool? Someone ought to think of that.